TaxConnections


 

Archive for Tax Humor

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 15

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♦ “Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you’re allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.” —Conan O’Brien

♦ There was a time when you saved up for your old age; now you save up for April 15th.

♦ A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.”Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”

♦ The client went to the tax preparer and said, I filed my taxes electronically to speed Read more

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 14

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♦ A fool and his money are soon parted. The rest of us wait until income tax time.

♦ Public Accounting is the only profession where you have many engagements going on, yet no one is getting married! – Peter J. Scalise, Practice Leader, Federal Credits & Incentives, Prager Metis CPAs

♦ Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?  She charges an arm and a leg.

♦ An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”

“Have you tried counting sheep?” Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (23)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” – Craig Ferguson

♦ “Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.” –Jimmy Kimmel

♦ Tax Day… A Procrastinators worst nightmare.

♦ Can I pay more taxes than I owe, because it’s not enough and the politicians can Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (22)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: “To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and two million.”   The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and one million.”  The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will well you are wrong. “Hi Dan!”

♦ Isn’t it appropriate that the month when taxes are due begins with April Fool’s Day Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (21)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.”

♦ April is always a difficult month for Americans — even if your ship comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

♦ “I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.” – Jimmy Kimmel Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (20)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.” — Craig Ferguson

♦ Public Accounting is the only profession where you have many engagements going on, yet no one is getting married! — Peter J. Scalise, Practice Leader, Federal Credits & Incentives, Prager Metis CPAs

♦ Excellence is a good habit. But do not strive for perfection – it will prevent you from ever finishing anything. – Eva Rosenberg Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (19)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?  She charges an arm and a leg.

♦ A penny saved is a government oversight.

♦ Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.

♦ A harp is a piano after taxes

♦ A certain tax lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (18)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections.  Enjoy!

♦ “I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.”   Elvis Presley

♦ When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is. – Oscar Wilde

♦ “The tax code is so complex and the forms are so complicated, that I know I cannot have any confidence that I know what is being requested and therefore I cannot and do not know, Read more

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 13

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♦ The government is really asking a lot of us this month – first we’re supposed to count how many people live in our home, then we’re supposed to count how much money we owe them. I actually got confused and accidentally sent a check to the census and a member of my household to the IRS. Sorry, grandma. (Jimmy Kimmel)

♦ What’s a shy and retiring accountant?
One that’s half-a-million shy and that’s why he’s retiring.

♦ A tax accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?” Read more

The Unknown Tax Comic – Christmas Edition

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♦ Nobody likes taxes, but they’ve been around forever. Taxes date back all the way back to the year one, when baby Jesus was visited by two wise men and an IRS agent, who demanded half the family’s frankincense.”

♦ What do cannibal tax accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.

♦ What is Father Christmas’s tax status?
Elf-employed.

♦ How does Santa’s tax accountant value his sleigh?
Net PRESENT Value. Read more

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 12

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♦ “People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.”  — Anonymous

♦ When your ship comes in, it’s always docked by the Government.

♦ Income tax is Uncle Sam’s version of “Truth or Consequences.”

♦ It’s hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.

♦ Suggested simplified tax form: How much money did you make last year? Mail it in. — Stanton Delaplane

♦ “Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what’s called a red flag. That’s something the IRS Read more

The Unknown Tax Comic – Halloween Edition

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♦ It’s Halloween and when the man answers his door, there’s a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says “Trick or treat”. The man’s a bit confused so he asks the boy what he’s dressed up as. “I’m an IRS agent”, says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.

♦ Tax Accountant to his trick or treating child:

“If I’m going to take you all over the neighborhood begging for candy, then yes, I’m going to take half… it’s called a “Candy Tax”.

♦ Tax Payer to the Grim Reaper: Read more

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