TaxConnections


 

Archive for Robert McKenzie

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (23)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” – Craig Ferguson

♦ “Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.” –Jimmy Kimmel

♦ Tax Day… A Procrastinators worst nightmare.

♦ Can I pay more taxes than I owe, because it’s not enough and the politicians can Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (22)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: “To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and two million.”   The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and one million.”  The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will well you are wrong. “Hi Dan!”

♦ Isn’t it appropriate that the month when taxes are due begins with April Fool’s Day Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (21)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.”

♦ April is always a difficult month for Americans — even if your ship comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

♦ “I’m not going to pay taxes. When they say I’m going to prison, I’ll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. You keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we’ll call it even.” – Jimmy Kimmel Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (20)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ “The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.” — Craig Ferguson

♦ Public Accounting is the only profession where you have many engagements going on, yet no one is getting married! — Peter J. Scalise, Practice Leader, Federal Credits & Incentives, Prager Metis CPAs

♦ Excellence is a good habit. But do not strive for perfection – it will prevent you from ever finishing anything. – Eva Rosenberg Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (19)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections. Enjoy!

♦ Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?  She charges an arm and a leg.

♦ A penny saved is a government oversight.

♦ Making out your own income tax return is something like a do-it-yourself mugging.

♦ A harp is a piano after taxes

♦ A certain tax lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (18)

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Each year during tax season I post some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor on TaxConnections.  Enjoy!

♦ “I have no use for bodyguards, but I have very specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.”   Elvis Presley

♦ When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is. – Oscar Wilde

♦ “The tax code is so complex and the forms are so complicated, that I know I cannot have any confidence that I know what is being requested and therefore I cannot and do not know, Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (17)

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♦ It’s that wonderful time of year when the flowers bloom, the weather warms, and the taxman cometh. Sam Bari, Jamestown Press, 4-18-12

♦ Yes, every year, despite my best intentions, I wind up rushing to complete my returns at the last minute. A dark cloud and a constant nagging doubt haunt the entire first quarter of every year. Danny Tyree, Summit Daily, 4-13-14

♦ An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (16)

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♦ “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” -Craig Ferguson

♦ As Tax Day approaches, those tempted to cheat on their income taxes will have to ask themselves a simple question: Is it worth it? Is the possibility of saving some money at the expense of Uncle Sam worth the risk of ending up in a federal prison? David Harper, 4/11/2010, Tulsa World

♦ Consider yourself: as tax day draws near, how many of you are waiting to hear good news from your accountants about various deductions and loopholes you can take advantage of when you file your returns next month? Is there anyone who’s looking to obey the actual spirit, Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (15)

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To cheer up the accountants after this busy week, here are some lawyer jokes:

♦ A doctor, a tax lawyer, a little boy and a rabbi were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said, “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live” and jumped out.

The tax lawyer then said, “I am the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped. Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (14)

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♦ Each year on tax day I like to remember a Charles Schultz quote from the Peanuts comic strip: “No problem is so big or so complicated it can’t be run away from.”

♦ When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. Mae West

♦ Every year around April 15 Americans have a rendezvous with debt.

♦ The client went to the tax preparer and said, I filed my taxes electronically to speed things up, and it worked. I got an audit letter in half the normal time.

♦ On April 15th you count your blessings . . . and then send them to Washington. Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (13)

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♦ The end of March brings up the beginning of April – Tax time. America has the highest standard of living in the world. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford it. Cindy Adams, NY Post, 3-29-09

♦ An accountant was attending a tax seminar in Las Vegas. The lawyer sitting next to him was obviously bored with the presenter, Bob McKenzie, and suggested the two of them slip out to the lobby for a cigar. The accountant replied, “Well, thank you for the invite, but I tried smoking cigars once, and I did not like them… I will have to pass”.

A few minutes passed, and the lawyer asked, “This is a very tiresome presentation… how about we slip down to the bar and have a cocktail?” The accountant replied, “Oh, I tried Read more

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (12)

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♦ April 15 is lurking around the corner, so if you have yet to file your federal tax return, it’s time to set aside a few hours, gather together your financial records, and flee the country. Dave Barry

♦ Two things in life are inevitable: death and taxes. We can’t say for certain when death will come. Tax day, however, is usually April 15, unless it falls on a weekend or holiday. Tracy Bunner, Standard-Examiner 3-12-12

♦ Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

♦ A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.” Read more

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