Tag Archive for Tax Humor

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 3

♦ What’s the difference between death and taxes?
Congress doesn’t meet every year to make death worse.

♦ And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
Jail.

♦ A good tax return is like a good mystery novel. You follow the clues, make deductions, and arrive at a profitable conclusion. – Eva Rosenberg

♦ A tax accountant dies and goes to heaven (no, that’s not the joke). St. Peter, of course, is there, looking through the files and asking a few quick questions. “What sort of accountant were you?” “Oh, I was a CPA”, was the reply. “Name?” asks St. Pete. The accountant gives Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor • TaxConnections

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 2

♦ If a tax accountant’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she do?
Leans over to her husband and says “Tell me about work today, honey.”

♦ A lady goes to see her doctor with some very worrisome symptoms. After examining her, he says, “I’m terribly sorry to tell you this, but you only have six months to live.” The lady is very distraught, “Oh doctor, what should I do”, she asks. The doctor says, “I advise you to marry a CPA.””Will that make me live longer?”, she asks, hopefully. “No, ” says the doctor. “But it will seem longer.”

♦ A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division. He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor • TaxConnections

The Unknown Tax Comic – Part 1

♦ “65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.” (Jay Leno)

♦ When does a person decide to become a tax accountant?
When he realizes that he doesn’t have the charisma to become an undertaker.

♦ Why did the tax accountant cross the road?
To bore the people on the other side.

♦ What does a tax accountant use for birth control?
His personality. Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor • TaxConnections

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (17)

♦ It’s that wonderful time of year when the flowers bloom, the weather warms, and the taxman cometh. Sam Bari, Jamestown Press, 4-18-12

♦ Yes, every year, despite my best intentions, I wind up rushing to complete my returns at the last minute. A dark cloud and a constant nagging doubt haunt the entire first quarter of every year. Danny Tyree, Summit Daily, 4-13-14

♦ An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (16)

♦ “It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” -Craig Ferguson

♦ As Tax Day approaches, those tempted to cheat on their income taxes will have to ask themselves a simple question: Is it worth it? Is the possibility of saving some money at the expense of Uncle Sam worth the risk of ending up in a federal prison? David Harper, 4/11/2010, Tulsa World

♦ Consider yourself: as tax day draws near, how many of you are waiting to hear good news from your accountants about various deductions and loopholes you can take advantage of when you file your returns next month? Is there anyone who’s looking to obey the actual spirit, Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (15)

To cheer up the accountants after this busy week, here are some lawyer jokes:

♦ A doctor, a tax lawyer, a little boy and a rabbi were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said, “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live” and jumped out.

The tax lawyer then said, “I am the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped. Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (14)

♦ Each year on tax day I like to remember a Charles Schultz quote from the Peanuts comic strip: “No problem is so big or so complicated it can’t be run away from.”

♦ When it comes to finances, remember that there are no withholding taxes on the wages of sin. Mae West

♦ Every year around April 15 Americans have a rendezvous with debt.

♦ The client went to the tax preparer and said, I filed my taxes electronically to speed things up, and it worked. I got an audit letter in half the normal time.

♦ On April 15th you count your blessings . . . and then send them to Washington. Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (13)

♦ The end of March brings up the beginning of April – Tax time. America has the highest standard of living in the world. Unfortunately, we can no longer afford it. Cindy Adams, NY Post, 3-29-09

♦ An accountant was attending a tax seminar in Las Vegas. The lawyer sitting next to him was obviously bored with the presenter, Bob McKenzie, and suggested the two of them slip out to the lobby for a cigar. The accountant replied, “Well, thank you for the invite, but I tried smoking cigars once, and I did not like them… I will have to pass”.

A few minutes passed, and the lawyer asked, “This is a very tiresome presentation… how about we slip down to the bar and have a cocktail?” The accountant replied, “Oh, I tried Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (12)

♦ April 15 is lurking around the corner, so if you have yet to file your federal tax return, it’s time to set aside a few hours, gather together your financial records, and flee the country. Dave Barry

♦ Two things in life are inevitable: death and taxes. We can’t say for certain when death will come. Tax day, however, is usually April 15, unless it falls on a weekend or holiday. Tracy Bunner, Standard-Examiner 3-12-12

♦ Taxes are paid in the sweat of every man who labors. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

♦ A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.” Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (11)

♦ “Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.” –Jay Leno

♦ April is always a difficult month for Americans — even if your ship comes in, the IRS is right there to help you unload it.

♦ “Ignore them and they’ll go away” is great advice for some of life’s annoyances. Unfortunately, it doesn’t apply to taxes. Martha C. White, Time.com April 17, 2012

♦ Unless we wish to hamper the people in their right to earn a living, we must have tax reform. — President Calvin Coolidge Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (10)

♦ An estate & trusts lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: “To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and two million.” The lawyer continued, “To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and one million.” The lawyer concluded, “And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will well you are wrong. “Hi Dan!

♦ An accountant, a tax attorney and an actuary were dining together at a fashionable restaurant.

“With income tax being so complicated, we accountants are all doing quite well these days,” Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor

A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (9)

♦ The best way for the Government to maintain its credit is to pay as it goes-not by resorting to loans, but by keeping out of debt-through an adequate income secured by a system of taxation, external or internal, or both. — President William McKinley’s First Inaugural Address

♦ Taxes are not good things, but if you want services, somebody’s got to pay for them so they’re a necessary evil. Michael Bloomberg

♦ The tax laws are written by men with considerable net worth, and with little understanding of what wage earners must do to make ends meet. Martin L. Gross

♦ Q. Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? Read More

Written by | Posted in Tax Humor
« Older Entries   Recent Entries »