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A Collection… The Humorous Side of Tax… (15)

To cheer up the accountants after this busy week, here are some lawyer jokes:

♦ A doctor, a tax lawyer, a little boy and a rabbi were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said, “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live” and jumped out.

The tax lawyer then said, “I am the smartest man in the world, I deserve to live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The rabbi looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the rabbi and said, “Not to worry, rabbi. The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.”

♦ A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.

The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away.

“Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor.

“Sure, after the police leave,” replied the attorney.

♦ Once — just once — I’d like to be fixed up with a guy who earns in a year what I pay in taxes. — Anonymous Female Lawyer

♦ “As we approach Tax Day over here,”, wrote Jim Tang from Hawaii, “certain core truths still apply, one of which is that lawyers must never speak in absolutes.” He was referring to a quote from a tax attorney in a feature in the San Francisco Chronicle on 29 March 2011: “People who work for the IRS in most cases are human.”

♦ A dog who thinks he is a man’s best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer. Fran Lebowitz Social Studies, 1981

♦ The problem with practicing tax law is that the general rule never seems to apply to anything. Anonymous Tax Lawyer


Robert E. McKenzie is a partner of the law firm of Arnstein & Lehr LLP of Chicago, Illinois, concentrating his practice in representation before the Internal Revenue Service and state agencies. He has lectured extensively on the subject of taxation. He has presented courses before thousands of CPA’s, attorneys and enrolled agents nationwide. He has made numerous media appearances including Dateline NBC and The ABC Nightly News. Prior to entering private practice, Mr. McKenzie was employed by the Internal Revenue Service, Collection Division, in Chicago, Illinois. Since entering private practice, he has dedicated a major portion of his time to representation before the IRS. From 2009 to 2011, Mr. McKenzie was a member of the IRS Advisory Council, which advises IRS management. Mr. McKenzie serves on Arnstein & Lehr’s Executive Committee.

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