♦ The best way for the Government to maintain its credit is to pay as it goes-not by resorting to loans, but by keeping out of debt-through an adequate income secured by a system of taxation, external or internal, or both. — President William McKinley’s First Inaugural Address

♦ Taxes are not good things, but if you want services, somebody’s got to pay for them so they’re a necessary evil. Michael Bloomberg

♦ The tax laws are written by men with considerable net worth, and with little understanding of what wage earners must do to make ends meet. Martin L. Gross

♦ Q. Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? Read More

♦ A CPA goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper shows him three identical parrots on a perch and says, “The parrot on the left costs $500.” “Why does that parrot cost so much?”, asks the CPA. “Well”, replies the owner, “it knows how to do complex audits.” “How much does the middle parrot cost?”, asks the CPA. “That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts.” The startled CPA asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs $4,000. Needless to say, this begs the question, What can it do? To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I have never seen him do a darn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.”

♦ Tax law is a funny thing. I think it fair to say that most CPAs know something about the federal income tax; many if not most lawyers do not. –Bernard Wolfman Read More

♦ As a CPA I have learned and continue to learn that I do not know what I do not know and that buying technology to help me get there faster is akin to using speed dial to dial wrong numbers faster. John Dillard 2-1-10

♦ Mark tossed me several pounds worth of IRS instructions which apparently were written in Swahili. Then he left for work, hoping to earn enough money to pay our tax bill. Madeleine Begun Kane.

♦ Q. What’s the definition of a consulting CPA?

– A. It is a guy who will tell you 30 ways to make love but does not know any girls. Read More

♦ The many small stockholders cannot afford professional counsel or evasion devices. –Robert H. Jackson

Here are some quotes by and about a few presidents:

♦ George Washington never told a lie, but then he never had to file a Form 1040.

♦ In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. — John Adams (Even more true today)

♦ Excessive taxation will carry reason and reflection to every man’s door, and particularly in the hour of election. — Thomas Jefferson to John Taylor Read More

♦ Nothing makes a person more modest about his income than to fill out a tax form. Courtesy of Barbara D’Amato

♦ Cutting the IRS budget by more than 5 percent in real terms makes as much sense as a hospital firing surgeons or a car dealer laying off salespeople when customers fill the showroom. David Cay Johnston, Reuters .1-17-12

♦ Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. — H. L. Mencken

♦ The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall. –Denis Healey Read More

♦ In 1952, Joseph Nunan., IRS commissioner from 1944-47 was busted for evading taxes. It turned out that Nunan had won a $1,800 bet that Harry Truman would win the presidential election but failed to report his winnings to the IRS. Source: Chicago Tribune

♦ A dog who thinks he is a man’s best friend is a dog who obviously has never met a tax lawyer. Fran Lebowitz Social Studies, 1981

♦ What’s the difference between an Revenue Agent and a soldier? The soldier jumps to orders and the Revenue Agent jumps to conclusions.

♦ You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the IRS out of the kindness of my heart. David Rockefeller Read More

♦ It’s easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.

♦ What is the difference between the IRS and the mafia? Mafia is organized. Courtesy of Kurt Leetzow.

♦ When does a person decide to become a tax accountant? When she realizes she doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

♦ What does a tax attorney use for birth control? His personality.

♦ “And God said: “Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there Read More

Each year during tax season I forward some of my favorite tax quotes and tax humor.

♦ “Nobody likes taxes, but they’ve been around forever. Taxes date all the way back to the year one, when baby Jesus was visited by two wise men and an IRS agent, who demanded half the family’s frankincense.” -Jimmy Kimmel

♦ “The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.” –Craig Ferguson

♦ Why does Santa have an accountant in the USA? So he can avoid Gift Taxes.

♦ NASA astronomers, using the Hubble space telescope, have discovered a giant black Read More