♦ Q: Who invented copper wire?
A: Two tax attorneys fighting over a penny.
♦ “65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.” (Jay Leno)
♦ A certain tax lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. On one particular occasion, he invited a Czech friend to stay with him. The friend, eager to get a freebie off a lawyer, agreed. Well, they had a splendid time in the country, rising early and living in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czech companion went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, was not so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.
The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast has he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there.
“He’s in ‘that one!” cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend’s family danced in his head.
He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female.
“What did you do that for!” exclaimed the lawyer, “I said he was in the other!”
“Exactly,” replied the sheriff, “and would you believe a tax lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?”
♦ Tax Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,”No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.”
♦ It’s hard to believe America was founded to avoid high taxation.