♦ A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?” The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
♦ The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited.
He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them.
Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. “Why would you say that?” wondered the broker. “Because you’ve made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career.”
♦ For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong.
♦ In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. — John Adams
♦ “President Obama has announced a task force to review the tax codes. He’s concerned there are too many loopholes and too many people manipulating the system to avoid paying taxes. And that’s just in his administration.” – Jay Leno
♦ A tax return is an attested document. It is signed by the taxpayer and the preparer under penalties of perjury. It is not an opening offer. – Lee A. Sheppard