♦  Q. What does it take to be a good tax professional?

A. Two things – grey hair and hemorrhoids. The grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.

♦  A Washington tax lawyer goes to Texas to give a speech. He arrives at his hotel late and tired having undergone a strip search at Washington National after his pen set off the metal detector. After check-in at the hotel he goes down to the hotel bar for well-deserved nightcap. The tax lawyer ordered a shot of whiskey and the bartender brought him a 12 oz. glass of whiskey. He inquired: What is this? The bar tender responded: Everything is big in Texas. He drank the whiskey and since he was still not relaxed he ordered a beer. The bartender brought a 64 oz. glass of beer. Once again the tax lawyer asked: What is this? The bar tender again responded: Everything is big in Texas. The lawyer drank it. Now by this time the tax lawyer really needed to go to a bathroom so he asked for directions from the bartender. He was told go down the hall and turn left at the third door . Unfortunately the tax lawyer was a little tipsy from the shot and a beer and he turned right at the third door and  fell into the hotel swimming pool. He immediately shouted Don’t flush it!!!

♦  A few years ago, a lot of taxpayers invested in tax shelters to save taxes. The biggest problem with most tax shelters is that they leaked.

♦  Filing taxes is on par with going to the dentist or arguing with the DMV. It’s tedious, time-consuming and potentially expensive. FOX Business, Stephen Vanderpool, Nerd Wallet, 3-08-13

♦  The Joker on Batman: the Animated Series: “I’m crazy enough to take on Batman, but the IRS? No, thank you!”  From comment of Jim Gilbert, CPA Trendlines, 2-28-13

♦  Q:  What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?

A:  Depreciation.

♦  Unless we wish to hamper the people in their right to earn a living, we must have tax reform. — President Calvin Coolidge