♦ A tax attorney defended a case of tax evasion for an affluent client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly sent an email to his client, “Justice has triumphed!” The client immediately emailed back, “Appeal at once!”
♦ “Ignore them and they’ll go away” is great advice for some of life’s annoyances. Unfortunately, it doesn’t apply to taxes. – Martha C. White
♦ I’ll tell you some tax jokes because I think you’d depreciate them!
♦ Tax avoidance means that you hire a $250,000-fee lawyer, and he changes the word ‘evasion’ into the word ‘avoidance.’ – Franklin D. Roosevelt
♦ The client went to the tax preparer and said, I filed my taxes electronically to speed things up, and it worked. I got an audit letter in half the normal time.
♦ I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is… I could be just as proud for half of the money! – Arthur Godfrey
♦ For several years, a tax attorney was having an affair with a beautiful Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would return to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. ‘Honey, she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’ ‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, he turned white, and fainted. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce!